now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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