and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
