people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize