Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
