Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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