So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
