I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
