Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
