I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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