Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
