Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
