we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
