dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
