We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize