oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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