haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
