I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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