I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
