i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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