bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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