Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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