Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
