I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize