Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
