2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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