dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
