fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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