I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
