I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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