Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
