I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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