I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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