Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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