tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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