tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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