Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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