shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
