u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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