I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
