I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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