dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
