"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
