so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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