Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
