Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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