I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
