Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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