well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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