Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
