If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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