make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
