Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes

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(404): View more from Georgia

look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(914): View more from New York

My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.

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(305): View more from Florida

No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.

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(904): View more from Florida

Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex

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