I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
