Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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