Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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