I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize