There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
