i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
