Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize