i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
