He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
