I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
