you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize