iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
