Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
