Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
