Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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