i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i now understand why vodka
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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