no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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