The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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