Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Operation Purity has been aborted
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
