wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
