I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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