I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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