I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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