After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
