Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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