are you still at the devil's house?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
