Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
