The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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