How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
