i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
