I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize