turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
