yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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