Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
