My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
