Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
