Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
